Will I Survive Academy?
by 10ShizukaYuukiMistress10
Summary: What would you do if you were locked in a classroom with a Machiavellian schemer for a "teacher", a British MI5 agent, a crazed Jashinist, a murder-intent Gaara, three girls who carry knives to protect their "virtues" and lastly, the Self-Insert who has to somehow be involved in this INSANITY? "I need serious help." AU. Crack fic. Highschool fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Will I Survive Academy? **

**Summary:** What would you do if you were locked in a classroom with a Machiavellian schemer for a "teacher", a British MI5 agent, a crazed Jashinist, a murder-intent Gaara, three girls who carry knives to protect their "virtues" and lastly, the Self-Insert who has to somehow be involved in this INSANITY? "I need serious help." AU. Crack fic. Highschool fic. Two-Shot.

**A/N: **Here I am back with even more craziness, hilariousness and disturbing ideas! :D

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto.

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**Will I Survive Academy?**

**Written by 10ShizukaYuukiMistress10**

"If you try to bite her again, Orochimaru, I will personally cut you up and feed your pieces to Kiba's wolf-dog!" Someone shouted.

"Nonsense! Dogs don't eat human remains. Mostly. You should have learnt this during Cannibal class!"

"Cannibalism isn't even a subject! This is physics class, teacher!"

A knife flew through the air and barely missed the class teacher, a tall man with long raven-black hair and hard set reptilian eyes. He stepped away from the desk of the petrified girl with long, indigo hair and pretty translucent eyes whom he had been tormenting.

"I only wanted a little taste of her! Is that really so—"

"YES!" Everyone in the room erupted in unison, save the less _outspoken_ students. That included Gaara, Shino, Sasuke and a few others. "THAT'S BAD! NOT TO MENTION DISGUSTING!"

"E-Everyone... I-I can handle him myself." Whispered the indigo-haired beauty quietly. Then, to everyone's utter shock, she pulled out a butcher knife from underneath her desk and pointed it at Orochimaru. "S-Stay away from me, you creep!"

"Go Hinata!" Kiba cheered.

"I've had enough of you scoundrels! I'll bite any one of you whenever I feel like it."

Two other females appeared beside Hinata holding knives.

Orochimaru quickly did a double-take.

"Why do all you girls carry knives? I shall have to confiscate them from you and you can collect them at the end of the lesson... oh, wait. I take that back. You may need them to incapacitate Kakashi. Operation: Overthrow the Headmaster. Cutting off one or two of his limbs should suffice: maybe his arm and foot."

Hinata quirked an eyebrow at her teacher. "W-Why are you so obsessed with mutilating Headmaster Kakashi?"

Orochimaru just smirked coldly. "Time will tell." He purred, backing towards the classroom door mysteriously. "What lesson is this again?"

"Physics...!" Someone yelled. "You should know this!"

"I see. Well, I will be back in a few minutes to teach you all something... much better." Orochimaru's eyes glittered.

"Isn't that illegal, just teaching us whatever he likes?" A brown-haired girl asked, watching as their teacher disappeared behind the door. She had already gotten bored of playing the Knife Game on her toes repeatedly with her eyes closed. "And leaving a class full of lunatics unattended?"

"_JASHIN_ _DEMANDS SACRIFICES_!" Hidan screeched. "NOW GET IN A LINE SO THAT I CAN KILL YOU ALL!"

"Shut up or I will teach you the true meaning of _pain_." Pain whispered. He was an ominous student with spiky auburn hair, multiple piercings, at least three girls sprawled across his lap and a handheld tattoo device in his hand. He dragged it over the bosom of the girl closest to him. "I'm tattooing on a poem for this lovely lady." He said, earning an excited squeal from the giddy purple-haired girl. "Quit screaming so that I can concentrate, Hidan." He sighed.

"What's your name again?" Pain inquired enticingly, looking closely at her. She chuckled.

"Konan... and I like your hands. They're so..." She trailed off, gazing deeply into his mysterious eyes.

Love at First Sight.

"I hate you all so much I could just strangle someone..." Gaara murmured absently, his low, guttural voice barely audible over the commotion. Extraordinarily, everyone in the room went silent as he slid his dangerous emerald eyes over them. He was sitting on the last seat in the back row... a row completely reserved to him.

Everyone was terrified of Gaara. As soon as he closed his eyes and turned his head towards the window so that the spring breeze could smoother his face, he deadpanned, "But I'm too tired for that today."

Immediately, everyone resumed their previous conversations as if nothing had even happened. Neji was surprised. Usually, Gaara ended up strangling someone whenever the teacher was not present in the vicinity, and he along with Lee and Naruto had to pry him off of them before they were suffocated to death.

Neji glanced wonderingly at Tenten, sitting on the row directly in front of him. She was juggling knives. She looked sexy when she did that. He liked that about her... she was a warrior, much like his cousin, and could stand up for herself against threats and thugs.

Neji continued to stare at the completely oblivious brunette. She was starting to lob her butcher knives at the blackboard in the front of the classroom as target practise. That worked for a while... until one of her knives accidently went off target—from a lapse of concentration—and nearly skewered the petrified girl standing like an idiot in the classroom doorway.

That petrified idiot, in case you were wondering, is me, Awashi Sadoko, the new transfer student to the Will of Fire Academy.

I barely missed the knife—I had to catastrophically tuck my head into my chest and drop and roll—like they teach you to do when you're caught on fire. Same precaution applies if a knife is flying at you. Shakily, I stepped forward into the classroom and clutched onto the doorframe for dear life, my panic from nearly being stabbed still in my bones.

I guess it served me right—I had already been standing in the doorway for ten minutes, just gawking at the dramatic sight before me of my new, _clearly_ dysfunctional, class.

"I'm so sorry!" Tenten apologised, running up to me but she was still holding her knife point-blank towards my face so I awkwardly had to side-step it. "I didn't even see you there. You were standing so still and silent... it's like you were invisible!"

I sweat-dropped.

Everyone here seemed VERY unique, to put it lightly, and clearly had interesting ways of killing time while the teacher failed to arrive or return: their activities ranged from Normal, Dangerous, Illegal and Disturbing.

A girl with dyed pink hair was flirting with another student who looked like he was willing to pay any amount of money to make her shut up. Normal.

A tall boy with bright blonde hair and a shorter, stockier boy were holding a milk drinking contest. There was someone else hovering over them, a student with a wolf-dog (for some reason, bringing pets to class was allowed here) whose face had turned unnaturally green. "How are you two still _living_? I think that stuff's expired. And that's your fourteenth—"

I had to turn away because the dog boy proceeded to vomit out of the window... and that was not a nice view. Definitely Dangerous.

I also spied—well, _heard_ more like—a red-haired boy and a student wearing an orange mask negotiating. "I already told you, I want you to steal the keys to the History teacher's Tesla Model S. I don't have time for your mistakes. I'll get Pain to kick you out of the gang if you're not careful next time."

Tobi shuddered, "No, please don't, Sasori! But listen. I couldn't steal anything this time because that MI5 secret agent was on my back again! He'll kill me for sure if he sees me driving away with a teacher's car!"

I summarised that what I'd just overheard had to be in the Illegal category. They needed an _MI5_ agent in the school to deal with an out-of-control gang? Whoa.

I soon found myself wondering to the quieter side of the room, still in search of a suitable place to sit. I was thoroughly disgruntled that my parents had forgotten to check the Academy's reputation before _sending_ me here. This was an Academy for Psychos!

A tall, dark boy with glasses and a white trench coat was... mutilating insects and reptiles? How did he even get those? He looked up at me and I stumbled back in terror when he asked, "Why are they dying like this? I just wanted to see if they would live after I removed their brains."

DISTURBING.

When I whirled around, I found myself _more_ scared than I had been when a knife was flying at my face.

"You... seem healthy enough." A tall dude with silver hair gelled back and a chain in his hand grabbed my face and inspected it. "Basically, I'm going to make you my sacrifice to Jashin. So hold still while I chain you to a chair and strip you naked."

"Ahhhh!" I wailed, ducking behind the closest thing I could find to safety. It was behind a student sitting in the back row. He seemed to be the only one there and no one was bothering him. His face was turned towards the window and his eyes were shut, like he was sleeping.

It worked.

The dude who'd just tried to make me take my clothes off and become his human sacrifice wilted away somewhere else and didn't try to come near me again.

I noticed that a couple of people had started to stare at me. I didn't think it had anything to do with curiosity towards the new girl, but the fact that I was hiding behind the student whom every person in the room apparently appeared to be ridiculously afraid of. I even overhead someone mutter, "What is she _doing_? Is she insane?"

"Go to the girls. They'll show you how to survive here." Came a voice directly beside me. I turned to see that it was the boy whom I was hiding behind.

He hadn't even turned his head to face me, it was still directed towards the open window. He did not come off as terrifying to me. Just alone and troubled.

What was he even talking about? But I didn't dare question him and started to make my way towards Tenten. She was sitting beside a girl with long indigo hair and they were sharpening butcher knives together.

"Hey, um... Tenten. Can I join you two?"

Tenten nodded, and the other girl, who I learnt is called Hinata Hyuuga, smiled at me. "In case you want to know why I carry knives and so do Sakura, Ino and Hinata too, it's 'cause you can't trust anyone here. And when Hidan is in a bad mood, he tries to slaughter everybody, claiming it's to please his fake god with sacrifices when we know he's lying and looking for excuses 'cause he's just a homicidal thug and a pervert." She said.

Tenten offered me one of her knives but I had to decline. Whether my parents had put me here knowing I would be locked up with psychopaths or not, I don't think they would take too kindly to me taking knives to school for my own personal protection.

I glimpsed twenty or so pointy objects protruding underneath Hinata's desk and pretended not to notice them, deciding I really didn't want to know what exactly they were. Surely, you didn't need _that_ many torture gadgets to stand up for yourself in this crazed room?

I sat in silence with them for a while. A girl with dyed pink hair called Sakura Haruno joined us.

"I actually WANT to do Physics." Tenten complained.

"I love Sasuke, he's so hot and mysterious." Sakura slurred.

Hinata looked away from them, her eyes widening, "Duck! _NOW_!"

Suddenly, _BANG_, a bomb went off. I think someone may have died. I was crouched on the ground beside Hinata, ash and dust clinging to my hair, face and clothes.

A gaping hole burned through the wall.

And Sakura shouted, "Quit bringing bombs to school, Deidara! You'll blow yourself up one day if you continue to detonate them in close confined spaces!"

Deidara didn't seem to take too lightly to Sakura's lecturing as his murderous expression made it seem like he was contemplating throwing something nasty at her.

Picking up on this, I quickly steered Sakura away.

Sakura confusedly followed my lead, although I didn't really know where I was going. There wasn't much space in the room.

"I-I think it's best to stay away from him, Sakura. He looks like he wants to kill you. Let's sit down over h—"

"No!" Sakura hissed, jerking me the other way. I had only been walking towards the vacant table beside a brooding male student and his mysterious brother.

"They're the Uchiha twins! Sasuke already told me to get lost earlier and never to come talk to him again or he'd leave the class altogether! I can't have him leaving me! I love Sasuke-_poochkins_ too much!"

_Poochkins_?

"But I appreciate your concern. Don't worry. If Deidara tries to pull anything suspicious, I'll slice and dice him," Sakura announced casually, flipping her miniature butter knife like a professional. "You'll see."

I found myself tied between being in-awe at Sakura and envious of her effortless confidence when a shadow fell over my left side and I found myself looking up into the darkest pools of black ever.

"I don't think I've met you before but I'm Itachi Uchiha. I'm Sasuke's," he pointed at the male student standing next to him boredly and apathetically, "older twin brother."

"Like she needs to know," Sasuke grunted. He kicked off from the wall and sauntered over towards the other side of the room, where the blonde student named Naruto Uzumaki was creating a ruckus. Sakura watched him leave longingly.

Despite Sakura's confidence, she was being reduced to an ogling fangirl by this stupid Sasuke guy! I already hated him.

Turning back to Itachi, I smiled. "Nice to meet you. I'm Awashi Sadoko. Apart from the girls, you're one of the only few people who have welcomed me to this new class. Thank you." I stated embarrassedly.

Itachi chuckled lightly. His handsome face was even more mesmerising when he smiled. There was a certain gleam in his eyes. "Don't thank me. I honestly just have nothing better to do. Would you mind meeting up with me after school so that we can get dinner together?"

How do I respond to that? What do I do when an _irresistible_ male student is asking me to a date like a gentleman?

Sakura butted in, "Sadoko, Itachi Uchiha's perception of a _date_ is truly the most screwed up idea of a joke in this dysfunctional class I know of." She deadpanned.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "What could be so bad about... a date with _him_?"

"He handcuffs you to him for the whole evening, records your fingerprint, runs blood tests, flashes mug shots and uses torture and interrogation if you're uncooperative. He's an MI5 agent."

I looked up sharply at Itachi and met his cunning, obsidian gaze. My stomach felt empty and I cowered away from him warily.

"So... Itachi is like an authoritative figure in this classroom? The peacemaker? The king? Since... he's an agent?"

"You could say that, I suppose." Sakura lamented. "But presently, Itachi's too preoccupied with trying to stop Pain's gang to dissuade anyone's insignificant arguments. He's tried everything from putting tracking devices on them, burning their multiple bases, dressing as a girl—"

_"WHAT TIME IS IT? SLAUGHTER TIME!" _Hidan screamed from somewhere in the room. Five or six people swore in response and ran for their lives, in search for weapons to use in self-defence.

"Shut up or I'll cut your pay." Pain growled in the background.

Hidan let out a string of cusses and smashed a window in retaliation.

Shino jumped out of the smashed window, called by nature to... hunt down insects?

Deidara sniffled and complained, "You said the same thing to me after I detonated that first bomb, Pain! It's not fair, you should be congratulating me, I usually set off five a day! It's an _improvement_!"

I turned to see Itachi was watching the student with the orange mask intently.

"Tobi is happy to see Deidara in misery! Tobi wants—OW! That _hurt_, stupid Deidara!"

At that moment, the classroom door blew open and Orochimaru stood red-faced in the doorway, looking mischievous and naughty.

Awkward silence.

"Hello everyone. My... _errand _took me longer than I expected to finish. Anyway, I'm back now. I hope you've all behaved yourselves in my absence?"

I scuttled over to the back row and hid behind Gaara again, hoping his presence alone would work a second time—no one, not even the class teacher, looked directly at Gaara or his row, for fear he would interpret their look as a challenge—at protecting me. Something just told me I should be scared of my class teacher.

Orochimaru smiled evilly from the front of the classroom. "I will teach you all about surviving a bear attack."

"How?" Naruto asked dubiously. Sasuke rolled his eyes next to Naruto and elbowed him sharply in the ribs.

"You don't. That was a trick question, you idiot."

"HEY! THAT HURT, OH YEAH, SASUKEH!"

Orochimaru ignored their noisy banter. "Enough. Anyway, I'm really going to teach you how to help me overthrow the Headmaster, Kakashi Hatake! _My_ _archenemy_! Oh, dear, I'm starting to sound like Might Guy."

Lee interjected, "Don't diss Guy for he knows the way, the balance, the cosmos, the truth of nature, the truth of youth, and the truth of—!"

Orochimaru cut short Lee's lecture. "Kakashi will be coming in for a lesson observation in less than seconds. We must hurry and prepare to annihilate him! Where are those girls with their butcher knives? Go stand on either side of the door frame, perfectly out of view. Brandish your knives at his throat the moment he sets foot down in here!"

Orochimaru was now standing on top of his desk, his long, dark hair swinging manically.

"I shall enjoy putting his body parts in my jars!"

Did I hear that correctly? At any rate, I'd be having serious nightmares of this day.

Awkward silence.

"Shouldn't I get to bite one of you for thinking out such a well-laid out plan?!"

"_NO_!"

You learn something new every day: such as, you have a class teacher who is a Machiavellian schemer and partakes in cannibalistic activities such as biting students.

Gaara was oddly silent in front of me, his eyes trained intently on the spot on the wall next to the clock.

Suddenly, his deep, guttural, voice filled the room as he unexpectedly spoke.

"Teacher, Kakashi Hatake is standing right behind you."

"So they say." Orochimaru purred, turning around only for the colour to drain from his face.

Kakashi Hatake, Headmaster of the Academy, stood in the doorway, two students grasping knives flanking either side of him. His unnervingly apathetic eyes roamed over the class to take in the state of it—including the bulging hole burned obscenely though the wall—and he sighed.

He didn't even care about the two knife points pressing against his neck.

Whoa... this Headmaster had balls.

"What do you think you are doing?" Kakashi Hatake asked deliberately, his dispassionate eyes giving off the impression that he didn't want to kill my class teacher—but everyone knew better, which was kind of frightening.

"Just... Just... I want my mummy!" Orochimaru squealed, running past Kakashi Hatake and out the classroom door.

Kakashi turned back to the class, apparently intending to say something, but was completely speechless.

"Did... Orochimaru just _squeal_?" Naruto asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"I'm tired of this trash dump you all call a class." Gaara announced murderously, rising from his chair which made me jump in surprise as I was still cowering behind it. "You won't see me for another eleven days... I need time to recover from today—by that, I mean I have business to finish and people kill. Great stress reliever."

Gaara left.

"_TODAY SUCKED, USUALLY I GET TO SACRIFICE MORE PEOPLE! ANYWAY, PEACE OUT!"_

Hidan left.

"Come on girls, let go of me. I've also go business to complete. But come by my apartment in the evening. We'll have lots of fun."

Pain left.

"I want ramen, Sasuke! Come with me. You always pay for mine!"

Naruto left.

"Tch. Hn."

Sasuke left.

Eventually everyone left. I slumped on my own against a graffiti-covered desk and buried my head in my hands.

"I need serious help."

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**A/N:** I am open to taking up suggestions! Yes, that means if there is any Naruto character you would like to see in the next chapter, and if there is anything specific you want to see them doing, type it up in a review and I will incorporate it!

**Which Naruto character did you like the best in this chapter?**

Bye bye! Take care!


	2. Chapter 2

**Will I Survive Academy?**

**A/N:** I massively appreciate all the support I received for the last chapter! I'm sorry if I wasn't able to include all the characters that everyone has requested for this chapter! :D

I hope you all enjoy! :D ^^

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto.

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**Chapter Two**

**Written by 10ShizukaYuukiMistress10**

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**This Morning...**

**In the Kitchen**

"Can I ask why you have a frying pan strapped to your back?"

After the first day of school, I was almost convinced I was going to need therapy. However, I couldn't deny the fact that there was something alluring about the dangers and new experiences of my new academy.

I sighed. I tightened the straps around the frying pan.

"No, mother, you can't. Just... please consider this a rebellious teenager thing. Or whatever."

Today, I was prepared. This time, not only did I have knives allotted to five different locations of my body and a frying pan strapped to my back but I even had on a bombproof vest underneath my school shirt. In case that demented bomber Deidara decided to, and I quote, "Only set off five a day!"

"Alright, be careful and have a good day at school!" My oblivious mother bided me in farewell as I started exiting the house.

I turned around and waved at her. "I'll see you later!" _I hope... I'm not ready to die yet!_

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_Everything is going to be OK_, I keep telling myself. The counsellor I've been seeing every day since my first day at this treacherous school instructed me to give myself those words of encouragement whenever I felt anxious or distressed.

It had already been two weeks. I had been so afraid of coming back. I'd dreaded it.

_Everything is going to be OK_, Awashi Sadoko...

My parents didn't even know why I was so afraid of going back to my new school or why I had asked them if I could take time off in order to attend counselling. They hadn't asked me any questions, trusting that I knew what was best for myself, quickly leaving a sick notice for the Will of Fire Academy's secretary, Ibiki Morino.

I regretted neglecting to tell them that they'd accidently sent their daughter off to a school hosting a bunch of monsters.

I still couldn't get out of my head nearly being stabbed in the face by a flying knife, hiding twice behind the most feared person in the class, nearly getting BITTEN by my class teacher, almost being offered as a human sacrifice to Jashin, nearly going on a date with an MI5 agent who wanted to interrogate me, making friends with some girls who shouldn't have even given me the time of day, overhearing an illegal gang's plotting and planning, narrowly missing being blown to pieces and involuntarily taking part in my Machiavellian scheming teacher's attempt to overthrow the emotionless head teacher.

I realised with a sickening lurch of dread that I'd only stayed for a single lesson so far, and that I hadn't yet been taught by any of the other teachers in this wretched building. _I wonder what they'll be like?..._

I was now standing apprehensively outside the door that would lead me to my first lesson of the day: English.

I'd learnt from my mistake the last time I sluggishly set foot inside a classroom, and nearly got turned into lamb chops by one of Tenten's knives. Instead of delaying going inside, I banged the door open and rushed in, instantly dropping to the ground—and waiting three full seconds, for good measure—in case any potentially dangerous flying objects were heading my way. Then I quickly patted down my body in order to check that I hadn't any missing knives. I would probably be needing them, and promptly gulped at the thought.

I stood up, surveying the classroom, and my mouth practically dropped to the ground.

There were only three other people there.

No one was doing anything out of the ordinary—or if they were, I couldn't tell...

No one from my previous class was here: there was only a red-haired girl wearing cheesy, oval glasses who reminded me of a model; a good-looking boy with short, choppy white hair coloured purple at the tips and a male with purple paint on his face and a mummified puppet swathed to his back.

That was more or less it.

The teacher, who was muscular and had thousands of stitches on his neck for some reason, wasn't even looking in our direction, and had only pointed on the board which read:

TAKE A LOOK AT EX. 5 OF TEXTBOOK!

I silently took a seat near the front of the classroom, by an open window, away from everyone else. There was no Gaara to hide behind this time, although it didn't look like there'd be any need to hide from anyone. The textbook in front of me read _The Art of Speechwriting_. Oh, just lovely. I had wanted to spend my first lesson of the day writing up a long, nonsensical speech.

So, this was one of the normal classes... it felt weird thinking that. Maybe my first class had been the only abnormal one in the school.

Then I heard it.

"Oi! We're going to be late, you idiot!"

Three seconds later, Naruto, Sasuke, Neji and Lee tumbled into the room.

I could sense everyone holding their breath as out stepped a fifth male student, scowling and with a permanent, blood-red tattoo etched onto the corner of his forehead, and I found myself holding my own breath tight as he approached me.

_Oooh, this is bad. It's Gaara, isn't it? Did I accidentally steal his seat?_

I was about to hastily get up when every muscle in my body tightened; he sat down in the seat beside me, without so much as glancing in my direction, and the tightness of his own body suggested that he was not accustomed to having someone to sit by.

Once or twice, I suspected that the emotionless boy beside me was going to bolt for somewhere more vacant to sit, but after a few minutes, I realised that Gaara was there to stay.

The teacher mostly ignored us all, as some of us read the textbook exercise like we were meant to be and others... Well, others like Naruto thought that it was a good idea to launch paper aeroplanes everywhere.

Unexpectedly, the sound of an animated argument filled the doorway and everyone turned their heads in order to witness what was happening.

"Are you sure this is the correct classroom, Deidara? You're asking for a _death_ wish if this isn't..."

"Jeez, Pain, I'm your henchman, not a human satellite-navigation!"

"WHAT ARE YOU WASTING MY TIME FOR, WEAKLING? Lemme give you a nudge in the right direction, hah!"

"TOBI IS A PEACEKEEPER! HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE HIS FRIEND DEIDARA SACRIFICED!"

"_Tech_. You're a bunch of embarrassing idiots aside from Pain-sama and I despise every single one of you."

All at once, the five gang members exploded into the classroom like they had been spit out of a volcano and then leisurely sauntered to their individual seats.

The world might as well have come crashing down on me; I realised with a sickening lurch of dread that my first lesson wasn't going to be very normal, after all.

_OH... so that explains why there'd been hardly anyone in here when I arrived._

"We're going to deliver speeches about money. Seems fitting since it sucks that I don't have any because I have to earn a living by teaching brats like you all. Make it sound good. All of you had better have read the textbook exercise because that's the only practise you'll get. Now, Karin, go first."

Amongst the loud groans of exasperated students, and the hurried flitter of textbooks being opened, I heard the sound of a chair screeching backwards and watched as the girl who reminded me of a model with oval glasses made her way to the front of the classroom.

I couldn't exactly pay her any attention as she spoke, though, because I was too busy working up a sweat worrying about what I was going to say for _my_ speech about money. Should I say that it makes the world go around? Nah, that one was too obvious. Stupid Kakuzu hadn't even given us the criteria for this speech!

Oddly, Gaara didn't even seem fazed at all. His bored, apathetic and somehow pensive expression hadn't changed in the past thirty seconds...

"My name is Karin. I would firstly like to thank to Sasuke, for giving me the inspiration I needed in order to formulate this speech. It's going to be about how desirable you are and how good you make me feel, Sasuke! Marry me! Please, just do it! You're my—"

"Stop, before we have nightmares!" Kakuzu barked, saving Sasuke and everyone else in the room from picturing offending images brought on by Karin's fantasising. "How has THAT got anything to do with MONEY?"

Karin returned to her seat in huffing, and puffing, disarray.

Kakuzu, with a vein protruding from his forehead, clearly took to offence when people messed with his money... speech. Speech about money.

"The next person is Sasuke! If you don't talk about money, then you had better pay up."

_So, that's how it is... My teacher is blackmailing his students into paying him for not talking about money?_

I got a sudden vivid image of Kakuzu when he was younger: a big bully who threatened you for your lunch money. Very picturesque. I guess some people just never change.

"Tch, I have not time for this 'speech' but since I'm at it anyway, I'll re-establish some facts about myself. I'm the richest person in this room. I therefore have more power than even the teacher. If anyone messes with me I'll send you to hell and back, just so that I can see how much you've suffered."

Sasuke lazily dragged his threatening, obsidian gaze around the room; I felt myself freeze when his obsidian eyes passed over me. I noticed that Gaara was smirking slightly.

"Oh, and another thing. I'll tell you if I like you or not, you don't just decide to become one of my fangirls. Don't be stupid. Tch."

Sasuke sauntered carelessly back to his seat and in his wake everyone heard Karin's anguished sobs.

Pain was by the heartbroken, red-haired girl's side in seconds. "Babe, don't be upset. You can become one of my fangirls. How about that, hm?"

That distraction had taken my mind off of my own speech for a moment; the relief instantly drained out of my body like floodwater as I waited on the edge of my seat for our teacher, Kakuzu, to call the next person to go up.

Oddly, he looked paled and scared. I stiffened when his gaze drifted in my direction, only to stop at the seat next to me and its occupant, Gaara.

"G-Gaara... Please, um, please do your speech next. Uh, sorry!" The teacher's voice squeaked girlishly at the last word.

Everyone erupted into laughter but immediately hushed when Gaara unexpectedly stood up.

"I care for nothing. Including this absurd speech. I thought I'd just take this opportunity to restate my past warning: if any of you dares cross me, what happened to the last person who left this school will seem like nothing compared to what will happen to you."

He coughed once, quietly. His calm, yet icy jade eyes strayed to the window right next to me. "If I had the money, I would buy a coffin and fill it with sand. Then bury all of my enemies there forever."

Kakuzu's jaw literally bounced against the ground—it looked priceless—as Gaara coolly walked out of the classroom like he had been called away by an invisible advisor. The door swished peaceably closed behind him and there was an eerie silence in the classroom in his wake.

Remind me to never sit ANYWHERE near him again?

Does he always just exit the classroom whenever he feels like it?

"Ahem, moving on! Hidan, you're up next!"

A burst of relief filled my body for the umpteenth time that day. Seriously, when was I going to get over this and man up?

"Money?" The silvery-haired student spat angrily. "Can any of you guess what I find more interesting than what's in my wallet?"

Numerous sighs of aggravation filled the room.

"SACRIFICES!" Hidan's eyes were bulging out of their sockets manically. "_THEY_ DON'T JUST GROW ON TREES!"

He made a show of grabbing the good-looking boy at the front row with white hair tipped in purple. Hidan produced a knife—the first weapon I had seen anyone wield all day—and was probably about to kill him when the boy pulled out the hugest sabre sword I had ever seen in my fifteen years of existence.

_What_, does he incapacitate whales with that massive object of devastation?

The sight of the intimidating sabre sword frightened Hidan into letting go of him. He had an incredulous expression as if to say, _Wtf...?_

"Teacher, whether you want me to or not, I'm going to start my speech about _money_," Then to everyone's utter shock, he grabbed Hidan, who had started to scramble away, by the cuff of his shirt, fearlessly. He brandished his gargantuan sabre against Hidan's throat. "You all seem to think that you're bigger shots than the previous person who makes a statement for themselves. I'm completely tired of it. Enough."

"Oi, you let go of me, NOW!" Hidan tried to sound menacing but when the boy merely ignored him and resumed speaking, Hidan lost his courage. Or manliness. Either is fine.

"Why won't you LET GO?! I want my mummy!"

While Hidan was just about wetting himself, the boy preventing him from escaping smirked sadistically.

"I am called Suigetsu. I've attended this school for three years but I wouldn't be shocked if none of you know who I am. Well, now you do." He chuckled at that last part, as if humiliating a member of a feared gang in front of the whole class was a hilarious practical joke.

He stopped laughing so suddenly I almost jumped out of my own skin.

"If you thought this was funny then you'll be dying of laughter when you see what else I can do to pushovers who have the nerve to call themselves 'badass'—"

An unamused Kakuzu coughed loudly.

"Er. Sorry to interrupt your _rant_... But what does any of _that_ have to do with the topic of the speech?"

Oh, right. If you didn't give a speech mentioning money then you had to pay up the fee... I couldn't shake off the feeling that Kakuzu was making us do these speeches as a money-maker for _himself_.

Suigetsu looked at the ground pensively for a few moments, deep in thought, still holding Hidan hostage in a death-grip; by this point, Hidan wasn't pleading anymore but instead he was sitting on the ground, bursting into tears. "... I just want... m-more sacrifices..."

"Oh, right. Money. If I inherited all the money in the world, I'd give none to the weaklings who call themselves "strong" yet can't even beat _me_," —he pointed at his chest— "because guys like that—"he made a show of Hidan, whimpering shamelessly, and didn't even have to finish his sentence. It was self explanatory.

I was honestly starting to dislike Suigetsu; I didn't disagree with the message he was sending out about standing up to bullies. Hidan definitely deserved to be humiliated. But I couldn't help but get the feeling that Suigetsu was enjoying having power over someone else too much. He was just abusing it and making himself look like an even bigger bully.

Chuckling, he let Hidan go.

Kakuzu sighed. "I'm sorry but this can't be helped anymore. If anyone else _'whether I want them to or not_' self-volunteers themselves to do their money speech, I think they will find themselves severely fined."

Is it allowed for a teacher to _do_ that?

Pain sighed out loud as if he was the only reasonable person in the room.

"Money is what I'm about and it's how I survive. I owe money a lot from the time I was brought into this world," Pain looked out quickly to see five girls sighing dramatically at him. "I might have to use illegal methods to get ahold of it, but my gang need to be paid in money as a reward for their services."

Pain absently twirled the ring around his finger.

Now that I look at it, the ring appears to be worth _MUCH_ more than I could ever image. Perhaps, millions?

I noticed that I was not the only one ogling Pain's bling bling: Sasuke was scowling in the ring's direction, Karin was enviously glaring straight at it and Naruto was watching it wide-eyed like a fox.

"I often wonder, why can't money be something else? Like _girls_?"

Where was this going?!

"They're worth so much more! Like, I wouldn't mind being paid in thirty girls every night for all the jobs I do...!"

Five squeals issued from different locations of the classroom.

"Do you mind... not being such a creepy pervert and shutting that mouth of yours up?" Kakuzu growled.

Maybe he was so mad because 97% of the female population, excluding me and another girl, in the classroom where currently fainting in their seats? And because he himself could not get a date unless it was with someone ugly like... like medusa?

Or, perhaps... Kakuzu was always just in a bad mood? Yeah, probably.

"Now, you... I don't know who you are but you're up next."

It took me approximately twenty seconds to realise that he was speaking to me. By this time, everyone had turned their heads to fix me with a blank gaze.

I wanted to kick myself for thinking those mean thoughts about Kakuzu's non-existent love-life.

Karma was definitely out to get me.

My hands were the first part of my body to shake. Then my knees. Arms. Toes.

"Is she alright?" I heard someone whisper, off to my right.

Before I could stop myself, I blurted out the stupidest or maybe the smartest thing I think I've ever said in my life.

"I'll give you all my pocket money if you all promise _not_ to beat me up. Every day. For the duration of high school. I promise."

I crumpled back down in my seat and clutched my head in my hands.

_Why me?! Oh... why?_

An unfamiliar hand reached under my chin and forced my head up. Eyes brimming with tears, I stared back at the person holding my chin captive and audibly gasped.

It was a boy with half of his face burned off. I could tell, because the burns had left behind the tell-tale signs of darkened scar tissue.

I breathed out slowly.

"I am called Zetsu." He said, his green eyes laughing playfully right at me.

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**A/N:** Whoa... I'm on a ROLL! This is the second time I've ended a chapter with a cliff-hanger (see: my other story Resurrection)! :D ^^ I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!

**Who would you like to see in the next chapter?**

See you!~~


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